Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Hey Momma: It's Okay to not be Okay

This post is to myself, 5 years ago when I first had my son. All the things you think and feel and are too afraid to admit- are okay. 

Hey Momma: it's okay, to not be okay. You can cry, you can break down, you can drink the wine- and eventually you will find a beautiful tribe of women, who are not afraid to tell you that it's okay, to not be okay.

I didn't fall in love with my child right after I gave birth. 

I know you've seen it. The obligatory "We are over the moon and SO in love with *insert trendy baby name here*" post.  I am not mad at you, I am jealous, and if you felt that way- that is wonderful. My first thoughts after birth, were slightly different. I did not fall in love with my son the second he was born. In fact, my only thought on day one of having my son was "I wish everyone would leave" and "What is happening? *insert weird thing that happens to women after giving birth*" I remember on the first night laying in the hospital bed, staring at a new crying little alien-looking thing in my arms, after being scolded by a nurse for almost falling asleep while holding him thinking, "This cannot be how it really is, I am not supposed to be feeling like this." And I wasn't. And I shouldn't. And I should have insisted the nurse take him, or called my husband, mom, anyone- instead of having terrible memories of the first night with my son, but I didn't. Because I didn't know, that it was ok, to not be ok. 

I don't like breast feeding. Some people love it (probably the same people that love the tiny alien the second it breathes oxygen) but I wasn't one of them. I tried, I hated it, I tried again, and I still didn't like it. And I was told about how magical it was, and about support groups, and how I *should* do it for at least 6 weeks, and I still didn't like it. So I stopped, and I was a much happier person when my husband and I could share in the feeding process and that's okay. 

No, don't come visit me in the hospital. Yes, you can stop over the house any time, but for the love of God call first so I can change out of my pajamas. Don't touch my baby. Wash your hands. Please don't come if you're sick, were sick, or could be sick. People might think you're rude, and that's okay. You'll be the one waking up with the sick baby all night, and it's worth someone being offended, speak up, trust me, it's okay. 

I hate social media because it gives new parents pictures, videos, advice, lists and rules of these unreal expectations of "normalcy" as a parent and when you're new at this, you don't know any better. There is no "normal" to raising a child, and it's okay. 

BUT I also LOVE social media for giving me the ability to document and remember every single step of my child's life, the Timehop of memories are invaluable, especially when the pregnancy brain lasts until their 3rd birthday.

And speaking of cell phones. 

Be on it. Scroll Facebook, Pinterest, text your mom, mom-friends. It is our soap operas, tabloids, gossiping with girlfriends, escape from reality- our "me" time. Sorry Grandma, but that's okay. 

Don't listen to anyone that makes you feel guilty about what you feel is acceptable. God gave you maternal instincts for a reason.  So ignore the, "That mom on her cellphone" post. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe this is her five minutes of freedom. Ten bucks says she's already seen that three year do whatever he's asking her to watch 67 times, and has three videos of it on said phone of criticism. So maybe she wants to mindlessly scroll Instagram while her son learns to play by himself and not constantly get every bit of her attention, and that's okay. 

While on the topic, screens are awesome. TV, iPads, cellphones, embrace them. At 3 years old, my son explained the process of combustion to his Grandpa, and he was right. All thanks to a little STEM based show called Blaze. Not only did I greatly underestimate his ability to comprehend this type of material, I could never have explained it in a way to keep him interested enough to learn it. So turn on another toon, give your son your phone so you and your husband can enjoy dessert at dinner. Remember those maternal instincts? Listen to them, you know when too much is enough, and sometimes you push those limits for your sanity, and it is okay.

Take some time for yourself, even if you don't quite know what that means anymore. Go for a walk, take a nap, get your nails done, anything to get away. You may not know exactly what "you" want anymore, but that's okay. 

Your body will change. Your friends will change. But if you're lucky enough, you'll find friends that can also call their kids assholes, and guess what? That's okay. 

Working, to me, is easier than staying home. I'm a teacher, which means 9 months of the year I'm a working mom and three months of the year  I'm a SAHM, so I get to experience both worlds. The days that I am at work are a different kind of work. I can breathe. I make my own choices for my classroom, for myself. It is hectic, it is still exhausting, but it is a different kind of responsibility, and to me, it is easier. My husband didn't understand it, he still doesn't understand it, but it's how I feel and that's okay.

I hate the infant stage. It was quite literally the most boring, terrible 3 months of my life. Fun fact: less than a year ago, you were in the best shape of your life, in year three of your teaching career, financially making a substantial income, and quite literally able to do whatever you want, whenever you wanted with your husband. And in 9 months, life as you knew it entirely, changed. You went from independence, structure, stability, and your own schedule, to the exact opposite. And there's not a book, or a blog post, or a conversation that can mentally prepare you for that. You just struggle through it, day by day, and most days it ain't pretty- but that's okay. 

"I hate playing toys." I still remember one of my best friends saying that to me and it was like a holy gates of Heaven, angels-singing-epiphany. I truthfully thought I was the only person that didn't like playing toys, like in the entire.world. And that, my friends, is where it's not okay. 

It's not okay to feel alone. It's not okay to feel like you're the only one. Like you're doing something, or everything, wrong. It's not okay to feel consistently beyond exhausted, sadness beyond control, and entirely overwhelmed. It's not okay, to feel like you're not allowed, to not be okay. And if you've ever felt like that, that probably makes perfect sense. 

Because sometimes you just need someone to tell you that it's okay- to not be okay.  

I wrote this post for so many reasons. First of all, after being a veteran of Momageddon for 5 years, I feel like I've got some experience under my belt. This has also given me the experience to come across so many other moms who are feeling the exact. Same. Way. So many women who have never in their lives, felt these feelings, these emotions until after having a child. If you take one thing from this, I want you to know that every mom's thoughts, feelings, experiences, parenting styles are so, so different- and that's okay!  I also want my friends, my acquaintances, my team members, my former students, family to know that it's okay to admit that you're not okay. Being a mom gets you a lot of things, but it also get you into the greatest club in the world of some of the strongest women you will ever meet-The Mom Club. So reach out. Ask, talk about how you're feeling, because chances are- if there's one thing we have in common, it's that we've all gotten to the point where we're not okay. 

"Nice man bun, faggot."

"Nice man bun, faggot."

To the guy in bar that randomly walked up to my brother and said, "Nice man bun, faggot":

"Did you punch him in his face?" My contractor-husband immediately asked. 

"No. I just laughed," my brother replied.

"Wait, what?" I asked. "Why did he say that to you? Were you obnoxiously singing or something?" I naively responded, referring to one of Matt's normal escapades that wouldn't have surprised me. As if an act like this, or anything for that matter, could possibly warrant a comment like this. 

"Nope. I was just out to eat for a friend's going away party, and he walked up to me, said it, and walked away." 

I was shocked, furious, and frustrated. I'm a teacher. Not only am I uncomfortable even typing a derogatory term like "faggot" but when I hear immature teenagers use comments like this, I often respond with, "Really? No one even says that anymore, let's not." Apparently, I'm wrong. 

I want to explain something to you, oh ignorant, impulsive, poor decision-making, random guy:

This is Matt Horbaly. 

Yes, he has long hair, which is often in a "man bun." And, despite it taking some getting used to, let me explain to you why he has this, and what he did today. 

This is Jenny. 

 

To us, she was Grandma Horbaly. Jenny was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1999, and unfortunately, lost her hair as a result. Despite not being a "kid," after my aunt helped "Wigs for Kids" with some website design, they helped Jenny obtain a wig. Grandma Horbaly beamed with her new blonde locks. We loved her post-chemotherapy bandana, but she constantly wore the wig, saying she felt "more like herself," and her confidence while it was on, spoke for itself. 

"Why are you growing out your hair?" My dad asked my brother 8 months into the process. "You're a professional, is your work okay with this?" It took some getting used to. My dad is from a generation where long hair was often synonymous with rebelling or laziness. 

"I'm gonna donate it, Dad, and yes, it's fine." And that, was that. 

Skip ahead 3 years, and here we are. Today, Matt donated 14 inches of beautiful, natural blonde hair to Wigs for Kids. In case you don't know what happens with hair when it's donated, watch this video, and grab your tissues.

As if this doesn't speak volumes enough for his character, let me explain a little further about Matt. Matt is awesome. He is the guy at the restaurant that learns the waitress' name, calls her by it, and asks how her day is, before she gets the chance to ask him, simply because he truly cares about people--all of them. He's a guy that takes personal days from work, to help his church pass out food at an outdoor produce market. He's a guy, who shamelessly endured questioning, criticism, and crude comments, to help a kid with cancer shine with the confidence his Grandmother did years ago--and did it with grace. 

So, to the random guy in the bar, who may or may not ever read this: This "faggot" is the quintessential definition of a Godly man and a reminder to us all of the what this life is truly about; so take note. 

On a side note. This is also his beautiful girlfriend, Katie. Another perk of the man bun

I scoured Pinterest, Instagram & Google for ideas for a "lipstick bag". Since I'm new to LipSense and just bought a ton of new product, I needed something cheap and functional for my new stock. I purchased a small, simple make-up bag from Wal-Mart because although I'm not ready for a trade show, I needed a "go-to" bag to take to work, parties, and to show my friends the goods.

I needed to keep my supplies and the tubes organized, and when I opened my dresser drawer--it hit me! IKEA has the BEST drawer dividers. You can adjust them to ANY size, and they're only $3!

 

 

Click Here for: IKEA Hofta Dividers

You can literally measure, twist, snap and click them together! They are PERFECT for ANY size bag. I'm sure someone else already thought of this hack, but just in case you didn't-- here it is!

 

I left some sections bigger for other supplies like applicators, cotton rounds,  baggies, etc. 

 

Here's the finished product! For less than $20-- I couldn't be happier!

 

 I'm sure as my stock and customer base grows I'll need to get a bigger bag, but for now this is perfect! 

Fall Family Photography

These are family pictures from a fall mini-session by Kelley Deal Photography. I can't saw enough amazing things about Kelley. Believe it or not, all of these were captured within a 20-30 minute period-- and with 6 people including a baby and a toddler--the photography speaks for itself!

                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                

Hilarious Halloween Creations

Long ago I decided funny costumes trump sexy costumes ALL. day. long. Here is the evolution of that from me & my fraaaands, passed on to my kids:

 Dumb & Dumber Best Friends Costumes

Couples Costumes-- Trainer & Shamu

Batman & Robin Best Friends Costumes

Squints & Wendy Couple Costumes

Ace Ventura Toddler Costume

Mommy & Me Costume-- Ace & Snowflake

Toddler Rambo Costume

...clearly he finally wanted to pick his own costume, so we decided to be a dragon (insert eyeroll)

Cabbage Patch Baby Costume

Update 2016: Brother/Sister Halloween Costume--Excellent.

My Classroom

Designing a high school classroom is a lot of work, but the ample amount of research showing the benefits of creating a welcoming environment for "your kids" makes it worth it. The added challenge for high school teachers is that anything pre-made is juvenile, so here's my attempt to keep it secondary: